Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards – How To Be Instantly Irresistible
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“Vulnerability is sexy. There is science to prove it.”
- Sustained Excellence = Being a people reader (not a mind reader)
- Try to listen to others more than anyone else
- Get to KNOW the person
- 3 Skills
- Decoding – Leaders who are able to read others accurately
- Encoding – Your ability to send accurate signals to others… What can I do to excite others?
- The art/science of inspiring others
- We decide if someone is a winner or a loser… Do they feel pride or shame? If we feel pride, we take up more space, shame = less space
- Charisma — How to be instantly irresistible?
- The most charismatic people
- High Warmth
- High Competence
- Must have both
- Lucille Ball is a great example. I Love Lucy
- Do you need high levels of charisma to be an effective leader?
- You do not need to be extroverted… Or a booming leader
- Quiet, contemplative types can be phenomenal leaders
- How to handle a room with a lot of people networking if you’re an introvert?
- Your key in this room is to try and create 1 on 1 conversations. Play to your strengths
- Don’t stand in the center of the room
- Stand at a high bar table
- Low light areas
- Conversation hacks:
- Sparks – The brain looks for hits, not misses
- “Anything good happen lately?
- “Working on anything exciting?”
- Ask soft yes/no questions…
- “A really skilled decoder is a better listener than anyone else”
- “Vulnerability is sexy. There is science to prove it.”
- “Relatability comes down to ties.” — Saying “Oh, me too” creates a tie with that person.
- “You want this, I want this…” type speeches
- The 7 micro-expressions
“The most charismatic people have: high warmth and high competence.”
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