Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards – How To Be Instantly Irresistible

Vanessa Van Edwards is a published author and behavioral investigator. She is a professional people watcher—speaking, researching and cracking the code of interesting human behavior for audiences around the world. Vanessa’s groundbreaking workshops and courses teach individuals how to succeed in business and life by understanding the hidden dynamics of people. Vanessa is a Huffington Post columnist and Penguin author. She has been featured on NPR, the Wall Street Journal, the Today Show and USA Today. She has written for CNN, Fast Company and Forbes.

Vanessa has spoken to groups across the globe from the stage at the Consumer Electronic Show to presenting research at MIT. She has used her research to consult for numerous Fortune 500 companies including American Express, Clean and Clear and Symantec.

She graduated Magna Cum Laude from Emory University in 2007 and is SETT certified with Dr. Paul Ekman, SUBx certified with Dr. David Matsumoto, is a member of the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners and certified in Statement Analysis. She is the author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People.  

*Photo from udemy.com

Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards – How To Be Instantly Irresistible

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The Learning Leader Show

“Vulnerability is sexy.  There is science to prove it.”

Show Notes:

  • Sustained Excellence = Being a people reader (not a mind reader)
    • Try to listen to others more than anyone else
    • Get to KNOW the person
    • 3 Skills
      • Decoding – Leaders who are able to read others accurately
      • Encoding – Your ability to send accurate signals to others… What can I do to excite others?
      • Self-Regulation
  • The art/science of inspiring others
  • We decide if someone is a winner or a loser… Do they feel pride or shame? If we feel pride, we take up more space, shame = less space
  • Charisma — How to be instantly irresistible?
  • The most charismatic people
    • High Warmth
    • High Competence
    • Must have both
    • Lucille Ball is a great example. I Love Lucy
  • Do you need high levels of charisma to be an effective leader?
    • You do not need to be extroverted… Or a booming leader
    • Quiet, contemplative types can be phenomenal leaders
  • How to handle a room with a lot of people networking if you’re an introvert?
    • Your key in this room is to try and create 1 on 1 conversations. Play to your strengths
    • Don’t stand in the center of the room
    • Stand at a high bar table
    • Low light areas
  • Conversation hacks:
    • Sparks – The brain looks for hits, not misses
    • “Anything good happen lately?
    • “Working on anything exciting?”
  • Ask soft yes/no questions…
    • “A really skilled decoder is a better listener than anyone else”
  • “Vulnerability is sexy.  There is science to prove it.”
  • “Relatability comes down to ties.” — Saying “Oh, me too” creates a tie with that person.
    • “You want this, I want this…” type speeches
  • The 7 micro-expressions

“The most charismatic people have high warmth and high competence.”

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Episode edited by the great J Scott Donnell

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