Melody Wilding is a professor of human behavior at Hunter College. Her background as a therapist and emotions researcher informs her unique approach, weaving evidence-based neuroscience and psychology with professional development. She is the author of Trust Yourself and Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.

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The Learning Leader Show

  • “I sensed something was terribly wrong when I dialed into the conference line at 8:00 a.m. and heard an unfamiliar voice. “Hi, Mel ody, I’m Janine. I’m with an external HR firm. Unfortunately, this call is to let you know that your employment has been terminated, effective immediately.”
  • Managing up is not kissing up. Managing up is strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss. It’s a critical skill set for maneuvering through the complex web of power dynamics, conversations, and unspoken expectations that shape our daily work lives.
  • The triple win – What is something you can do that is good for you, good for your boss, and good for the company? Focus on those issues and solving those problems, and good things will happen for you as you grow your career. Like Carly Fiorina. Run towards the fire. Solving those tough problems will help you, your boss, and your company
  • Meeting with a CEO. Connect what you did with what matters. Adapt your communication to that.
  • Have upward empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. What matters to them? Prior to the meeting, meet with their Chief of Staff. Anticipate objections and answer them before they are asked.
  • Create a one-pager for your boss when they are doing your performance review. Highlight your wins. Remind them. Make it easy on them.
    • Do what Lee Rivas told me to do. Every week, send an email with bullet points for all the things you did to help your boss and the company.
    • For the one pagers – be proactive, start with wins, results and outcomes. it’s not self-promoting; it’s informing. Identify 1-3 key areas where you need their support. Help them become a trusted advisor or partner.
  • Design your 1:1. Send them the topics to talk about so you can drive those discussions. Make their life easier. They have enough other things to worry about.
  • Feedback can only happen after alignment, styles, ownership, boundaries… They go in order.
  • Define your A B Cs
    • Assumptions, Behaviors, Change you want to see
  • The advancement conversation – Be open, and share what you want to do and how you can get there. My Dustyn Kim example and how I messed it up.
  • The Money conversation – You don’t get a raise just because time has passed. It has to be tied to results. Don’t talk about the past and what you’ve done. Talk about what you can do to earn the company more. Don’t do the “I deserve this” thing. Bosses hate that.
  • Managing up is not kissing up. Managing up is strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss. It’s a critical skill set for maneuvering through the complex web of power dynamics, conversations, and unspoken expectations that shape our daily work lives.
  • Everything changes when you understand the art and science of influencing others while keeping your own emotions and insecurities in check.
  •  “Managing up isn’t really about making your boss’s life easier. It’s about taking control of your own work experience.”
  • 10 Key Conversations:
    • The Alignment Conversation How can I get in my boss’s head to understand their needs, motivations, and goals?
    • The Styles Conversation Will I earn more respect from my manager if I get to the point quickly, or should I try swapping stories and building rapport? 
    • The Ownership Conversation How can I solve the problems that make my job frustrating? How can I seize opportunities without stepping on toes?
    • The Boundaries Conversation How do I say no and push back with tact when my manager saddles me with yet another task?
    • The Feedback Conversation How can I respectfully and effectively give my manager feedback in order to improve processes and communication?
    • The Networking Conversation How can I build other allies in the workplace? How can I turn day-to-day interactions into opportunities that open doors?
    • The Visibility Conversation How can I effectively advocate for myself and show off my strengths?
    • The Advancement Conversation What do I need to do to get to the next level? 
    • The Money Conversation When is the right time to negotiate salary? How can I make sure I am getting the compensation I deserve? 
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Resources:

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Episode #300: AJ & Keith Hawk – How To Instill Work Ethic & Curiosity In Your Children

Episode #303: General Stanley McChrystal – The New Definition Of Leadership

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