Dr. Sara Kuburic is an existential psychotherapist, consultant, columnist for USA Today, and person behind the popular Instagram page @millennial.therapist. She is the author of a new book called It’s On Me: Accept Hard Truths, Discover Your Self, and Change Your Life.

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The Learning Leader Show

  • Change happens when we feel empowered. It’s on us to take responsibility for our lives and help others take responsibility for theirs. As leaders, change is more likely to happen for the people we are serving if we help them feel empowered.
  • Listening is not a passive activity. Take it seriously. It starts with genuinely caring for the person you’re in conversation with.
  • “Being disliked is a rite of passage.” Being disliked is normal. Being uncomfortable about being disliked is also normal. Reminding your Self that how you feel about your Self matters more than how others feel about you is key.
  • Sense of self – “Sense of self is not something that is found… We create our sense of self…”
  • “My interest in psychology stems from my personal experience living through wars, navigating complex relationships, and continually learning what it means to be human.”
  • This book is about facing ourselves –whatever version that might be, regardless of whether or not we like the person we see reflected back to us. It’s about what’s possible once we realize that we are responsible for who we become and how we live our lives (a daunting, but profoundly liberating idea). IT’S ON US to figure out the two most essential questions: “Who am I” and “Why am I here?” and then live accordingly.
  • “I am thankful for my struggle because, without it, I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.”
  • Repeat out loud: “I will stop giving second chances to people who don’t want it, won’t use it, or don’t deserve it.”
  • “The deepest form of loneliness comes from being estranged from ourselves, not from others.”
  • “Comparison doesn’t just steal our joy, it also screws with our perspective.”
  • “Mistakes don’t have to define you. But what you choose to do after a mistake often does.”
  • “Just a gentle reminder: The worst-case scenario that you’re playing out in your head is probably not going to happen.”
  • “Don’t confuse the snippets you get to see of someone’s life (through media or a casual conversation) as their whole story. Give each other the courtesy of curiosity. Allow people to be undefined in your mind. Actively seek to see them, and allow them to show you who they are.”
  • “If you don’t have all the information, stop filling in the blanks with your imagination, fears or projections. It’s better to learn to sit with an unclear picture than to carry around an inaccurate one.”
  • “Instant gratification can be a form of self-harm.”
  • “If you’re doing the work, you deserve to be with someone who is also doing the work. It’s simple.”
  • “Relationship tip: When someone tells you what they want (or don’t want) through words or actions — listen. Stop assuming you know better than they do. It’s not your job to read their mind, anticipate their needs, or save them.”
  • Apply to be part of my Leadership Circle
Resources:

Time Stamps

00:36 – Sara’s Childhood

05:16 – The Root Cause of Unhappiness

09:33 – The Importance of a Mirror in Our Lives

16:35 – Who Am I and Why Am I Here?

23:15 – Stereotypes of a Therapist

29:32 – The Power of Visualization

33:31 – Skills to Become a Great Listener

40:57 – Being Disliked Is a Right of Passage

53:03 – Would Everyone Benefit From Therapy?

More Learning:

Episode 078: Kat Cole – From Hooters Waitress To President of Cinnabon

Episode 216: Jim Collins — How To Go From Good To Great

Episode #300: AJ & Keith Hawk – How To Instill Work Ethic & Curiosity In Your Children

Episode #303:  General Stanley McChrystal – The New Definition Of Leadership